ART is my oxygen...
it lets me breathe.

WRITING is my sustenance...
it feeds my soul.

Mary Paladin

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Meltdown-although Punxatawny Phil says "No."

I am having a bit of a meltdown today. It started yesterday- well last evening, actually.

I have been writing (working on my MG historical fiction novel) more than I have been painting. Having had a collection of short stories published last spring, I worked on that all last winter...SO it has been sporadic (at best) when I have painted.

I got myself situated an idea as to what to paint...sketched it out...spent 3 hours painting...and----- hated it. I am super critical of my own work as a rule but, this was BBBBAAAAADDDDDD! What the heck happened to my 'sight' I was not able to 'see' what I needed to do. I quit, I turned on the boob tube (which is exactly what I think of it) and just sat. I needed to hide from myself, from my inability to do what I love. It scared me. I went to bed and barely slept at all.

Now for one (ME) who determines their self worth by the degree of accomplishments and/or production...Yesterday was a complete bust!

Today, I did my computer work-without opening my MG work in progress- then went directly to my paints. I sat and stared, I sat and stared...I went at it with absolutely no direction in mind and I must say it worked! Not the best painting by any means but I broke through-I think!

Writer's have "blocks"...they can't find "it" in their heads.
Watercolorists do too I realized...and not the kind of blocks on which they paint.
Tomorrow... will be an even better day!

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